So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
