I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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