Where did you get a picture of my penis
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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