You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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