good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
