i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
