I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
