my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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