It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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