he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
