I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
