dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just high enough for therapy.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
