Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
