Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
