Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
