I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
