He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
