watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
