I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
