apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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