Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
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