It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
