I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
