dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
