hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
