Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
