i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
