im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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