She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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