I have demons in me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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