I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
