Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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