I wish I could teleport
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
