i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So. Much. Porn.
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