dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
