I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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