She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
