While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he was CRYING into my vagina
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
