I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
