wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
