i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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