ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
