I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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