I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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