if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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