The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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