I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
