When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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