Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just cropdusted the office
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
