sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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