Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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