I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
