There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
