dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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