John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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