what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
