threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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