and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize