I just made out with a guy for $7.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
