plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
