The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
NoShamevember. You game?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
