Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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