the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
