I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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