I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize