he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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