yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
