I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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