She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
