U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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