Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
