I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
