her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
