cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
